It has been a truly hectic, epic, up and down couple of weeks, but it looks like things are finally settling down for the best.
Firstly, I got suspended from work. The gist of that was I made amendments on the system which I was not supposed to do, using my login name. Well, who's login name was I going to use, except my own? And as I didn't know I wasn't meant to make these changes, I repeated the same thing, on three occasions. It first happened nearly a year and a half ago, and the last time I did it was January this year. Took them long enough to find out that I had broken the rules, didn't it...Either way, it was a breach of the code of conduct I'd signed, and I felt it was more than likely that the hearing would result in me being fired - which would have meant a bad mark on my reference and a very stressful formal hearing at work. I've attended things like it before as a representative for friends, and they are not enjoyable experiences. I really don't think I could have gone through it myself.
I gave the situation A LOT of thought. Talked it through with my man, and my closest friends. It seemed like an obvious answer, to hand in my notice and walk away from the job I'd been doing for 3 years, especially when my interest was waning fast and I'd already been considering alternative jobs. It was hard though. Stability from a regular paying job is not something you want to give up easily, combined with the number of people still working at that office whom I am good friends with. Having said all that, it wasn't a good enough reason to fight for a job I didn't really want and stood a good chance of being fired from anyway - and being escorted out of the building on the day they suspended me was bad enough but going through that all again, with people being aware that it was going on? No thanks.
So I decided to hand in my 4 weeks notice. I enrolled with temping agencies and updated my CV. Within a week of having left the office, I was actually feeling quite positive about the whole situation. There were minor dips to deal with, but things were definately starting to look up. Rather than pretending I was ok and actually crying myself to sleep once or twice, playing hours of sims and sleeping in til 3pm once, I was awake, showered and ready to go by the start of a normal working day. My darling Jordon asked me for updates every day and so did Phil - their support was invaluable as I really have a tendency to be lazy! It was good, and I'm actually quite proud of myself for not slipping too far, given the circumstances. I think my therapist would be proud of me :)
A friend of mine works for a company I liked the sound of so I sent my CV to her and she forwarded it to the HR department. They called and I had the first stage of the interview process on the phone - I did well, so I then had to do a French compentency telephone test and got an invite in for an assessment day on 29th October.
It all seemed to be going well! But wait! I handed in my notice on Monday 26th October and lo, they called to say that they were going to make it as hard as possible for me. Well, not in so many words, but that was the gist of it. I had two options:
1 - They accept my letter of resignation but press on with the hearing, which would not only be very difficult to go through, but could also result in me being fired - which would make for a damaging reference. If not, and I was allowed to stay on the payroll for the last 4 weeks, my resulting reference would include the fact that I had been subject to a disciplinary.
2 - They accept my letter of resignation with immediate effect and all pay etc cease immediately. My reference will show that I resigned pending a disciplinary hearing.
Neither of those was particularly appealing to be honest. And I was faced with making this decision the day before my interview/assessment day!
The long and the short of it is that I attended said day for assessment yesterday and they offered me the job. Work called, and I chose option 2. Ok so this new job is going to be subject to references, but RBS isn't the only place I've worked, and it won't be the worst reference ever either.
And that's it - I have a potential new job, for a good company, with new people, closer to home and with a marginally better salary. I'm pretty damn chuffed about it, actually :)
Not much left for me to report now, other than the fact that it is FREEZING in my room, in the whole house, and in Brighton in general - and it's HALLOWE'EN TOMORROW! We are planning an EPIC party, I frankly cannot wait! Going to do a lot of celebratory drinking - probably a good time to guzzle down the Waragi I received in the post from Marion in Rwanda as a thank you for the translations I did for her and her website! Thanks hun! Tried some last night and it gets two very enthusiastic thumbs up from me :) I'm also impressed with the fact that it comes from the term "War Gin" - oh, this makes so so happy!
Finally: how good is E4's Dead Set? Pure genius and I am LOVING it. I did have very odd dreams featuring drug-taking zombies last night, but hey, it's a small price to pay :)
Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Thursday, 30 October 2008
Friday, 24 October 2008
One down...
Just had a first interview for a new job - no, not the one I posted about last, but another good one regardless - and it went really well. Have been invited ack for the next stage, so fingers crossed and positive vibes for me, please!
:D
Happy Friday everyone!
:D
Happy Friday everyone!
Wednesday, 22 October 2008
Mirror, Mirror On The Wall...
I've just finished rewriting my CV and registering with some online recruitment companies.
So far today I have applied for 5 jobs, one of which I am hopelessly under-experienced for, but I couldn't resist.
Here it is.
Oddly, I do actually have the right qualifications and skills in the right sectors, so we shall see, eh? ;) Either way, I feel pretty good to have actually made the leap into the job market. Handing in official letter of notice on Friday which leave me 4 weeks salary....plus the 2 from my time on suspension....
So it's not all bad at all.
In other good news, I've been having some really good chats with my Dad recently. As some of you may know, I've not always had a particularly good relationship with my Papa, but since April, things have really taken on a new lease of life for which I am hugely grateful. He's even started to talk to me about his own relationship with his father, a man who had passed before I was born, and someone who my Dad didn't get on very well with himself. One particular thing he told me last night was about how my Grandfather told him that if he spent too long looking in the mirror, one day there would be two of him looking back, and very dreadful things would happen to him - what a thing to tell an impressionable child! It terrified him to the bone, and left him with a lasting fascination/fear of mirrors.
We had so many around when I was growing up, great big antique things, because my parents said they lent depth to a room. They genuinely do make small rooms seem much brighter and bigger...but there's certainly an air of something sinister lurking in the background sometimes.
Dad and I both seem to share the same feelings towards mirrors (my particular inability to look into one and see a true depiction of myself not-withstanding) so we have arranged to go and see the new film of the same name on 2nd November, me, Phil, Mum and Dad. Some small attempt at catharsis? Or just a jolly good scare? I don't know, but I am excited :)
So far today I have applied for 5 jobs, one of which I am hopelessly under-experienced for, but I couldn't resist.
Here it is.
Oddly, I do actually have the right qualifications and skills in the right sectors, so we shall see, eh? ;) Either way, I feel pretty good to have actually made the leap into the job market. Handing in official letter of notice on Friday which leave me 4 weeks salary....plus the 2 from my time on suspension....
So it's not all bad at all.
In other good news, I've been having some really good chats with my Dad recently. As some of you may know, I've not always had a particularly good relationship with my Papa, but since April, things have really taken on a new lease of life for which I am hugely grateful. He's even started to talk to me about his own relationship with his father, a man who had passed before I was born, and someone who my Dad didn't get on very well with himself. One particular thing he told me last night was about how my Grandfather told him that if he spent too long looking in the mirror, one day there would be two of him looking back, and very dreadful things would happen to him - what a thing to tell an impressionable child! It terrified him to the bone, and left him with a lasting fascination/fear of mirrors.
We had so many around when I was growing up, great big antique things, because my parents said they lent depth to a room. They genuinely do make small rooms seem much brighter and bigger...but there's certainly an air of something sinister lurking in the background sometimes.
Dad and I both seem to share the same feelings towards mirrors (my particular inability to look into one and see a true depiction of myself not-withstanding) so we have arranged to go and see the new film of the same name on 2nd November, me, Phil, Mum and Dad. Some small attempt at catharsis? Or just a jolly good scare? I don't know, but I am excited :)
Tuesday, 21 October 2008
Wakehurst Place
Good morning everyone! *waves*
Just a couple of quick things before the main purpose of this post:
I love my house and housemates, they are ace. I can't imagine living anywhere else now, it's so much fun here. 1 Goffick + 1 Dandy + 1 Gay + (3 x cats) = The Best. Don't quite know where that came from, but I just wanted to say it.
I've made a few changes to my blog; An Anon commentor on an earlier entry drew my attention to the fact that I hadn't fully explored Blogger's options as on previous blogs of mine, so thanks for that. Equally, said anonymous reader also made what they believed to be a malicious and potentially hurtful comment. Unfortunately, they made two mistakes.
One - if they actually knew me and had the vaguest idea of what I actually lived through with my Eating Disorder, and how strong I am now, they wouldn't be so childish as to try and use statements about my BMI perceived weight - nice one, fucktard, I'm not actually OBESE, it's just one medical tool amongst many. I'm very happy about the way I look, the size of my breasts and the curve of my hips are 100% sexy.
Two - they left an ANONYMOUS comment! Anyone who has read my blog before, or indeed, knows me, will know how much contempt I have for people who hide when stating any kind of opinion. If you believe it, have the balls to state your name at the door when you come in here to tell me. And if you aren't brave enough to post where anyone can see - send me an email. My contact details are on my full profile, if you don't have them already.
So, the upshot of this is that I've turned on all the features I didn't realise I hadn't already. My blog, my rules :)
In other news, Mum and Dad came up to Brighton last Sunday and we all went to Wakehurst Place for the day. It was a belated birthday treat for my Dad and it was AWESOME. We couldn't have asked for better weather, the sun was warm and the foliage was stunning. I was pretty much transported back to the glorious days of my childhood in Wales, running wild in the woods and building camps with my brother :) It's a fabulous place to visit and they do a lot of really valuable conservation work there too.
My Dad seems very impressed by this one...
A perfect one for climbing...
The House. A perfect residence for the Slytherin Head Girl, don't you think? :)
Then there was much cake and coffee in one of the lovely cafes on the grounds. Dad loved it so much that he and Mum and buying Season Tickets for the place, and Phil and I are doing the same - going back there in December to see the largest living Christmas tree all decorated with lights! WIN!
Just a couple of quick things before the main purpose of this post:
I love my house and housemates, they are ace. I can't imagine living anywhere else now, it's so much fun here. 1 Goffick + 1 Dandy + 1 Gay + (3 x cats) = The Best. Don't quite know where that came from, but I just wanted to say it.
I've made a few changes to my blog; An Anon commentor on an earlier entry drew my attention to the fact that I hadn't fully explored Blogger's options as on previous blogs of mine, so thanks for that. Equally, said anonymous reader also made what they believed to be a malicious and potentially hurtful comment. Unfortunately, they made two mistakes.
One - if they actually knew me and had the vaguest idea of what I actually lived through with my Eating Disorder, and how strong I am now, they wouldn't be so childish as to try and use statements about my BMI perceived weight - nice one, fucktard, I'm not actually OBESE, it's just one medical tool amongst many. I'm very happy about the way I look, the size of my breasts and the curve of my hips are 100% sexy.
Two - they left an ANONYMOUS comment! Anyone who has read my blog before, or indeed, knows me, will know how much contempt I have for people who hide when stating any kind of opinion. If you believe it, have the balls to state your name at the door when you come in here to tell me. And if you aren't brave enough to post where anyone can see - send me an email. My contact details are on my full profile, if you don't have them already.
So, the upshot of this is that I've turned on all the features I didn't realise I hadn't already. My blog, my rules :)
In other news, Mum and Dad came up to Brighton last Sunday and we all went to Wakehurst Place for the day. It was a belated birthday treat for my Dad and it was AWESOME. We couldn't have asked for better weather, the sun was warm and the foliage was stunning. I was pretty much transported back to the glorious days of my childhood in Wales, running wild in the woods and building camps with my brother :) It's a fabulous place to visit and they do a lot of really valuable conservation work there too.
My Dad seems very impressed by this one...
A perfect one for climbing...
The House. A perfect residence for the Slytherin Head Girl, don't you think? :)
Then there was much cake and coffee in one of the lovely cafes on the grounds. Dad loved it so much that he and Mum and buying Season Tickets for the place, and Phil and I are doing the same - going back there in December to see the largest living Christmas tree all decorated with lights! WIN!
Monday, 20 October 2008
Hope Springs Eternal...
I think the awful fug I was in over the last few days has certainly started to lift now.
Had a really good heart to heart with Phil on Saturday and had a good old cry which really did the trick. I feel much lighter, much more positive and more hopeful about the future now. I know I seemed to be holding it together and reassuring people I was OK, but quite frankly it was very much "putting a brave face on it" - even though I didn't know it at the time. I genuinely thought I was OK, so it's not as if I was lying to people or hiding my feelings from them, but it all came to a head on Saturday, came flooding out and that felt like the turning point.
So on Sunday, we both woke up early (8am) had breakfast and Buffy in bed (the ONLY way to start a Sunday in my opinion) and then went for a really lovely wander around town. I'd decided to get some new work clothes, the thought process being that with a new start there should be nice new clothes to make myself feel good in an interview; with this in mind we headed into Primark and I managed to spend a very restrained 42 quid on a nice gray woollen dress, a purple and black tartan skirt, a black shirt, 6 pairs of tights, a green roll-neck jumper and a teal long-sleeved top. Phil also bought be a stunning dark gray and black checked knee-length pencil skirt with a slight flare to the bottom, very corporate goth :) Some totally amazing things in that shop at the moment - the leopard-print faux-fur jacket is AWESOME, but a frivolous 25 quid that I can't afford at the moment.
Anyway. After much needed retail therapy, we dropped the stuff back at Phil's flat and then went for food at the Bombay Aloo all you can eat veggie restaurant we discovered back when we had our Brighton holiday. NOM NOM NOM! It was just a pleasant and chilled out day, both feeling really loved up and happy. We finished the weekend with some red wine and the Lord of The Rings - Fellowship and lots of snuggles. Bliss.
Now I am feeling really positive, and am off out and about in a short while to get things going on the job front, and hunt down some things in charity shops for my Hallowe'en costume :) It's still a big secret, but all will be revealed in good time! Oh, and peeking on Facebook, I saw that my ex is still going thin on top, and his new american lady is significantly less hot than me ;) I know, it's evil, but it's the little things like that which make you grin on the inside ;)
It's going to be a good week, I can feel it!
Had a really good heart to heart with Phil on Saturday and had a good old cry which really did the trick. I feel much lighter, much more positive and more hopeful about the future now. I know I seemed to be holding it together and reassuring people I was OK, but quite frankly it was very much "putting a brave face on it" - even though I didn't know it at the time. I genuinely thought I was OK, so it's not as if I was lying to people or hiding my feelings from them, but it all came to a head on Saturday, came flooding out and that felt like the turning point.
So on Sunday, we both woke up early (8am) had breakfast and Buffy in bed (the ONLY way to start a Sunday in my opinion) and then went for a really lovely wander around town. I'd decided to get some new work clothes, the thought process being that with a new start there should be nice new clothes to make myself feel good in an interview; with this in mind we headed into Primark and I managed to spend a very restrained 42 quid on a nice gray woollen dress, a purple and black tartan skirt, a black shirt, 6 pairs of tights, a green roll-neck jumper and a teal long-sleeved top. Phil also bought be a stunning dark gray and black checked knee-length pencil skirt with a slight flare to the bottom, very corporate goth :) Some totally amazing things in that shop at the moment - the leopard-print faux-fur jacket is AWESOME, but a frivolous 25 quid that I can't afford at the moment.
Anyway. After much needed retail therapy, we dropped the stuff back at Phil's flat and then went for food at the Bombay Aloo all you can eat veggie restaurant we discovered back when we had our Brighton holiday. NOM NOM NOM! It was just a pleasant and chilled out day, both feeling really loved up and happy. We finished the weekend with some red wine and the Lord of The Rings - Fellowship and lots of snuggles. Bliss.
Now I am feeling really positive, and am off out and about in a short while to get things going on the job front, and hunt down some things in charity shops for my Hallowe'en costume :) It's still a big secret, but all will be revealed in good time! Oh, and peeking on Facebook, I saw that my ex is still going thin on top, and his new american lady is significantly less hot than me ;) I know, it's evil, but it's the little things like that which make you grin on the inside ;)
It's going to be a good week, I can feel it!
Friday, 17 October 2008
From One EXTREME To The Other...
Back from the doctors.
Good news and less good.
Firstly, I am actually OK; Stress and hormones have made my aches in various places (including my poor breasts) more pronounced, but there's nothing actually wrong with me. Quite a relief. He also recommended more water and sticking to my lactose-free diet which I'd begun to help with kidney related problems.
He also strongly recommended more exercise and eating more healthily, because....*drum roll*....
*pause*
I am now CLINICALLY OBESE.
*faints*
My BMI is that of an OBESE person.
From one extreme to the fucking other! 2 years ago I was UNDERWEIGHT and now I am 4 stone heavier, curvier and over-all happier, and lo, I am being told that I am TOO FAT.
Fucksocks.
Ah well. I shall just have be very, very careful with myself and set myself a realistic goal and time-frame and get into a "healthy" weight zone.
May I just add at this point that The Boy has been an absolute STAR over the last week. I love him more than words can say.
Good news and less good.
Firstly, I am actually OK; Stress and hormones have made my aches in various places (including my poor breasts) more pronounced, but there's nothing actually wrong with me. Quite a relief. He also recommended more water and sticking to my lactose-free diet which I'd begun to help with kidney related problems.
He also strongly recommended more exercise and eating more healthily, because....*drum roll*....
*pause*
I am now CLINICALLY OBESE.
*faints*
My BMI is that of an OBESE person.
From one extreme to the fucking other! 2 years ago I was UNDERWEIGHT and now I am 4 stone heavier, curvier and over-all happier, and lo, I am being told that I am TOO FAT.
Fucksocks.
Ah well. I shall just have be very, very careful with myself and set myself a realistic goal and time-frame and get into a "healthy" weight zone.
May I just add at this point that The Boy has been an absolute STAR over the last week. I love him more than words can say.
Tuesday, 14 October 2008
Onwards and Upwards...
So, here's the deal.
I'm all booked in to go to the doctors on Friday to start the wheels moving on my kidney stuff. Good.
I've decided to hand in my notice at work. I refuse to be held in stasis like this while they wait around to have a "hearing" over something stupid I did months ago. I was bored of the job anyway - yes, I will miss the stability and the people, but it is *so* much time for a change. I've ranted and cried about it, and had a chance to really think, and thanks to some amazing friends and a wonderful man by my side, I know that it is the right thing to do and know I have the strength to do this. Good.
Will let you know how it all goes....
I'm all booked in to go to the doctors on Friday to start the wheels moving on my kidney stuff. Good.
I've decided to hand in my notice at work. I refuse to be held in stasis like this while they wait around to have a "hearing" over something stupid I did months ago. I was bored of the job anyway - yes, I will miss the stability and the people, but it is *so* much time for a change. I've ranted and cried about it, and had a chance to really think, and thanks to some amazing friends and a wonderful man by my side, I know that it is the right thing to do and know I have the strength to do this. Good.
Will let you know how it all goes....
Monday, 13 October 2008
A decision.
Feeling marginally better after a very nice weekend.
I am just about ready to take the plunge now.
I am just about ready to take the plunge now.
Friday, 10 October 2008
F**k, f**k, F**K!
Right.
As if I didn't have enough to think about with my kidney playing up, I had a god awful day today.
First I had an email from someone I considered close and a good friend, telling me that our friendship is over due to something I didn't realize I'd done and would never have meant to do, back in August.
Secondly, I got suspended from work.
Yup, suspended. With full pay, pending an investigation into what I did, which I genuinely didn't know I wasn't to do. I can't go into it yet, but rest assured, I didn't do anything illegal, I just made a fucking stupid mistake, it turns out, many months ago.
I am in the most horrible mood I've been in for a very, very, very long time.
As if I didn't have enough to think about with my kidney playing up, I had a god awful day today.
First I had an email from someone I considered close and a good friend, telling me that our friendship is over due to something I didn't realize I'd done and would never have meant to do, back in August.
Secondly, I got suspended from work.
Yup, suspended. With full pay, pending an investigation into what I did, which I genuinely didn't know I wasn't to do. I can't go into it yet, but rest assured, I didn't do anything illegal, I just made a fucking stupid mistake, it turns out, many months ago.
I am in the most horrible mood I've been in for a very, very, very long time.
Friday, 3 October 2008
Grumpy
My god, I am exhausted at the moment.
All week I've been bleary-eyed, tired, sniffling, cold and aching. I've been dosing myself up on vitamins, fresh fruit, water and lemsip cold and flu capsules, but none of it seems to be helping. I've eaten spicy foods and garlic cloves which normally knock any cold out of me completely but no. I'm wearing warm clothes to work, scarves and gloves, the heating is on in the house and I'm not cold in my bed but I can't seem to shake this icky feeling at all.
Last night was the worst, I tossed and turned for ages and just couldn't sleep because my kidney was hurting so much. I even had a little cry to myself before finally drifting off into a dream.
So on my way to work this morning I stopped in at my Doctor's surgery and saw a nurse who gave me Diclofenac painkillers and told me I'd need to come back next week for blood tests. Great :( *sigh* Really hate blood tests and hate waiting for the results even more - but not as much as I hate being in pain I guess. I'm pretty sure that I have more stones waiting to be passed, or some which have passed and left an infection behind. It all seems horribly reminiscent of 2 years ago when I had my first attack of renal cholic :(
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