Waiting For The End...

This is not the end
This is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something emptys within em

We say yeah

With fists flying up in the air
Like we’re holding onto something that’s invisible there
Cuz we’re living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we dead it forget it
Let it all disappear

Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strenght to stand
This is not what I had planned
It’s out of my control

Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It’s hard to let you go

I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I wanna do is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven’t got

Sitting in an empty room
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last
I wish it wasn’t so

What was left when that fire was gone
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it’s like moving on

And I don’t even know what kind of things I said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
Picking up those pieces now where to begin
The hardest part of ending is starting again

All I wanna do is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven’t got

This is not the end
This is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something emptys within em

We say yeah

With fists flying up in the air
Like we’re holding onto something that’s invisible there
Cuz we’re living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we dead it forget it
Let it all disappear

What The Fuck Is Wrong With You?

A quick additional post:

Sometimes, I find the lyrics to this song are the only thing which fit certain situations.

I'd say "You know who you are" but you probably don't, because you actually are that deluded.

In Which I Get Soaked.

Today, I walked all the way to the seafront in the pouring rain.

Naturally, I got soaked on the way - it wasn't actually raining when I left, so I foolishly didn't take anything waterproof. This drenching was vastly increased by the utter f*cktard in his van who saw me valiantly battling against the winds, waiting to cross the road, swerved into a massive puddle and shouted "Dirty Goth!" at me as he sped by.

Thanks, buddy.

I arrived at my destination on time and dripping all over the floor of S**** T******* UK to be told, rather unceremoniously, that the meeting was cancelled. Nobody had bothered to let me know.

Wonderful.

I walked outside to begin my journey home and paused to roll a cigarette in the shelter of the doorway. My rizla were of course wet through.

FUCK SAKE.

It's been one of those days, you know? The Universe sometimes sends good stuff your way and other times, it's busy with other people and you go forgotten.

Ah, well. To be honest, I'm not really complaining (especially since I got home and got dried and drank some lovely hot apple juice with ginger wine in it!) because the Universe has been pretty kind to me recently; I've won several little competitions, netting myself a free t-shirt and a lovely necklace and overall, life is pretty good. Today was just a blip.

Anonymity

Afternoon bloggosphere!

A dear friend of mine who I was very lucky enough to see yesterday reminded me that I hadn't blogged anything properly for a long time; As I first met this chap though blogging, I thought an entry was in order.

I've removed the option to comment anonymously, again. I've done this because a rather unfortunate individual has recently left a comment on a post I wrote back in AUGUST when I was in the grips of a Very Bad Day. I think it was probably my miscreant of a brother. It may have been some other cowardly little twunt. Either way, you'll have to sign up and state your name if you want to abuse me in future instead of hiding behind anonymity.

My blog, my rules, my opinions. Don't like it? Go fuck yourself.

In much shinier news, it's the Launch Night for FRIENDZY tonight and I am both terribly nervous and very excited! If you're in Brighton, come down to KuKu Club tonight from 10 and have your socks rocked off!

The Sin of Covetousness!

Please buy me stuff!

My WishList is HERE

Thanks :P

Introducing: Sophie

My parents have decided to welcome a new cat into their hearts after the very sad passing of both Jasper and Golly within a couple of months of each other, earlier this year. They've mourned appropriately but they need a moggy in the house really; they've had cats since before I was born and it doesn't feel like home without one.

They chose this beautiful lady from The Cats Protection League in Eltham and go to pick her up this Friday.

THREE CHEERS FOR SOPHIE!

The BEST thing IKEA have ever done!

Now, I'm not the biggest fan of IKEA stuff myself, although Phil thinks they are amazing - and to give credit where credit is due, some of their furniture is rather good. The big red metal lockers that Phil has in his room are retro and funky, but I've always found their designs to be a bit too formulaic, bland and whatnot.

However, this post is not about their design innovations or meatballs, but about a very clever idea they had for their latest advert.

HERE is the ad, with an article on how they made it.

Splendid. Not enough ginger moggies for my liking, but still, splendid.

Well done.

Good Things About September

And now for something completely different.

I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but September always fills me with an incredible, joyful nostalgia and excitement - like going back to school with a new bag, new pencil case, new coat and new haircut but without the anxiety of starting new classes and wondering whether you'll get the teachers you like or still have friends.

The next few months have always been my favourites. Autumn, Hallowe'en, frost, snow, storms, Yule, hearty soups, hot drinks, warm coats and scarves. I LOVE IT. This September has started pretty well so far. Weather-wise, we had one day of glorious autumnal sunshine and then plenty of gusty winds to refresh us. The air smells right, leafy with just a hint of decay, bonfires and sea spray.

I've discovered Echo Bazaar! and the glory that is Fallen London. Go look! Play!

Thanks to a friend, I've also discovered that I can create a Wishlist on Amazon which isn't restricted to their products alone. Mine is HERE under the title "The Sin of Covetousness". It's acting as massive motivation to get earning again!

ABANDONED continues to be awesome, despite some serious competition in the form of DEVIANT returning to Brighton at a new venue. The next few weeks are going to be interesting as we see the students return and Freshers Week happen...I've also revelled in rediscovering bands I'd almost forgotten about and getting back into loving music again :)

The Art Of Losing Friends in 2010

There are times, dear readers, when I loathe and despise technology.

I appreciate the irony of writing about this on my weblog, a link to which I shall no doubt post on my Twitter feed, comments upon which will arrive in my email account or to my mobile phone; However, in the absence of actual therapy I do find this blog to be extremely useful. So I shall begin.

There are two main reasons why I make the opening statement:

Firstly, there is no way to feel completely alone any more. Of course, I hear you say, "No! You can turn your mobile phone off, log off from the internet, delete your Facebook account". This is indeed the case, but who among us actually can do that, for more than a few hours at a time? I do go without actively posting on Twitter or on this blog, but scarce a day goes by (in fact I'm sure it doesn't) where I don't post/look on Facebook or send/receive a text. To be honest, this is probably a good thing for me, because being out of work and my natural anxiety combined means that I could go a whole day without communicating with anyone other than my boyfriend, my housemate and the cats.

But there is a part of me which misses the absolute peace and quiet of solitude - without wondering what the rest of the world/my friends/family were doing. It's that curiosity, nigh-on morbid, which has been born out of the world of social networking sites and skype and mobile phones and forums and blogs and so on and so forth...

Secondly your private life becomes so public. I'm not talking personally here, because the majority of my friends are thankfully mature enough not to air their dirty laundry in public, but I do see it on other people's Facebook walls. Nothing is sacred, nothing is private, everything is public property, every transgression, break-up or scandalous gossip-inducing incident. It makes me sick to my stomach. I honestly do wonder how much of it is done with malice, and how much gets splayed for the world to see simply because that's how things seem to be done nowadays...

More and more often I am grateful to my very core that social networking sites were not in existence/as widely used as they are now, as little as 5 years ago; things which happened to me, things I did or said were restricted to the community I was part of, not privy to all and sundry on the internet. Yes, gossip still had a way of spreading like wildfire, but still, it felt more human somehow...

The final part of this post is the rather sad thing I noticed the other day. As and when you fall out with someone or circumstances conspire to the point that you are "defriended" on Facebook (is that even a phrase? It probably is now) they quite literally disappear from your life. People that you don't see on a regular basis perhaps but who figure on your daily radar thanks to new photos and status updates, vanish. It hits harder than simply not seeing that person again as your friendship drifts apart. It's a very final, definite thing.

I think this blog post has rambled away from the original title a little, but it's too late in the evening for me to think of anything else.

Harry Potter Merch - The Good, The Bad and...The Scary.

I am an unashamed Fangirl. You guys already know this. I love Slytherin with a fiery passion. The t-shirt I'm modelling above came from the ever so wonderful EVIETEES on Etsy. It's so geeky that you have to look twice to realise it's a Harry Potter-inspired t-shirt and only real fans tend to get it. I've also been duelled at twice now while wearing this, by complete strangers, making it extra awesome.

Sadly though, not all the Harry Potter merchandise out there is good. Oh no. No siree. OK, so it's not bad on the same level as some of the Twilight stuff available (Edward Cullen pants? No thanks) but it's still blog-worthy. Here's what I found while browsing the Interwebs last night:

EXHIBIT A) For fans who need to improve on their spell-work.

Look closely...what's wrong with this t-shirt? Other than the fact that it obviously should say "Team Dark Lord" in order to be properly respectful? If you can't see it, see me later for detention.

EXHIBIT B) For fans who like their men hairy

I found this beauty on eBay. Apparently, it's an officially licensed, full-head latex item. I think it's just a bit wrong. And probably very hot to wear. Mmmmm, sweaty. I can however see it being used during armed robberies.

EXHIBIT C) For fans who...actually, I have no words.

Another eBay find! This is by far the scariest of all the things I found. I mean in spite of his endearing qualities, Dobby isn't exactly cute, is he? Plus, what would the rest of the outfit be? Would you be naked with but a sheet covering your modesty, combined with dirty old socks? I shudder to think. However, the naughty part of me can see the fun of buying this for your younger siblings and watching them scare their little friends at fancy dress parties or Hallowe'en :)

Stuck at a cross roads

I am 30 years old.

I am unemployed.

I am without ambition or motivation.

I do not own a house or flat and am currently unable to pay the rent myself on the beautiful flat I live in.

I am not engaged, married, nor do I have any children.

I maintain a degree of sanity thanks to the medication I take daily.

I do not have a relationship with my own brother.

I should not be allowed control over my own finances.

I am addicted to cigarettes.

I am rarely comfortable in my own skin, in spite of my ability to show off.

I was, and always will be, a self-harmer in one form or another.

I crave validation to a level which cannot be healthy.

I will never be able to outrun some of my demons, nor come to terms with them.

I feel guilty about all of the above, sometimes often, sometimes rarely, but still, without end. I usually keep the feelings deep, scarcely even acknowledging them to myself. Sometimes they spill over.

This post was brought to you by the self-doubting, self-loathing, unattractive Angry Head Girl.

Pride T minus 1!

I'm sitting here listening to Queen Adreena's cover of Jolene. Why, you ask? Because I'm getting ready for tonight's ABANDONED - Pre-Pride Parrrrrrrrrty! I think the song is suitably camp AND rock/alternative enough to get away with tonight - and besides, it's been requested by a good friend on mine :)

This weekend bodes pretty well actually. The fun starts this evening when our guests arrive for the Pride weekend, off down to ABANDONED for some serious dancing and drinking funtimes, and then tomorrow - the Pride extravaganza itself! I still haven't finished my outfit but it shouldn't take much more work, hopefully.

Simply can't wait!

*bounce*

Sonisphere 2010 - A Fucking EPIC Adventure!

Due to extreme good fortune, I ended up getting some guestlist passes for Sonisphere this year and the blog post that follows relates the tale of our adventures in Knebworth!

The first part of the adventure can be condensed into the following:

Myself and John get train to London - Meet Phil at St Pancras - Get train to Stevenage - Get shuttle bus to Sonisphere - Get stuck outside for 13 hours due to our friends being late and the wankers at the box-office not letting us have our passes without them - Spend night outside under the SONISPHERE sign in the freezing cold.

HOWEVER, once all the bullshit had been sorted out, we made our way into the campsite which was rapidly filling up on Friday morning, and very, very luckily for us, were directed to the top on the hill where we found a most excellent campsite and saved space for friends. Let the epicness commence!

Once again, I think it's easier to bullet point the best bits, because to write out the whole account would be very time-consuming and not make for the best read ever ;)

• Camping right near the Arena entrance was in fact fabulous. We were 5 mins from the stages, right next to the posh loos and the best food places. It also meant we could laugh at all the people who spent several hours queuing for the showers IN THE RAIN!
• Gary Numan is still a Rock God.
• Goths in hot weather are reasonably hilarious. Especially when their white face paint starts to run ;)
• The keyboardist from Rammstein may in fact be the doctor from The Human Centipede.
• Watching Lacuna Coil with a nice drink and a Tunnocks Tea-Cake? Actually pretty awesome.
• Zebras on stilts - the highlight of Friday. Having an 10 foot tall Zebra run towards you through the crowd shouting "CHLOE!!" to give you a massive hug is pretty special! Our friends performing for Bizarre were totally brilliant and if you didn't catch their shows in the Bohemia tent, you missed out!
• Dancing your socks off to Pendulum while wearing your pyjamas is an experience you will never, ever forget. Say what you like about them, they FUCKING RULE and they more than deserved their space on the main stage on Sunday. So loud I could feel it in my chest!
• Papa Roach were rather daft fun, and no mistake. I still can't take them very seriously but their live performance was good and had has dancing away like teenagers. "Last Resort" was by far the best though and the right one to close with!
• Camping with the nicest people ever. Honestly couldn't have asked for a better bunch - Phil and I were with John and later in the day my friend Mackie showed up with his two friends Carys and Rob and finally we were joined by little Stef. I honestly haven't had so much fun and laughed so hard in such a long time.
• Generally, the festival itself was incredible. Really great staff, great line-up, great site. Plenty of Police but not intrusively so, plenty of Security but not arsey ones, free shuttle buses to and from the town, good toilets! I'd happily go again if the line-up tempted me!
• Going backstage with borrowed Artist passes was just A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. I have so few words to describe it. PENDULUM and BACKSTAGE TOILETS are all I can really say! I stole a loo-roll from one of them. Yes, I am that mischievous.

Lessons I Learned At Sonisphere 2010

1. It is without doubt the best festival, ever. For more on why see my next post.
2. It is entirely possible to get suntanned and freckly knees through completely opaque tights.
3. If you dress as a Slytherin, you will get duelled at by random, awesome, geeky strangers.
4. A large number of boys and men who are metallers are in fact, in my opinion, quite unattractive. Which is bizarre, because the ones I know personally aren't at all. Equally bizarre that most of the women who are into metal are disproportionately attractive.
5. Having said that, the alternative community is one the nicest, warmest, kindest, most generous and fabulous bunch. To be fair, this isn't exactly a lesson I learned at Sonisphere, more a reinforcement of this fact and a bit of a surprise considering the sheer volume of numbers at this festival. Unparalleled awesomeness.
6. In spite of said volume of numbers, you will bump into people you haven't seen in years.
7. People who bring flags into the arena and then position themselves anywhere in front of the stage or the screens should be kneecapped. Inconsiderate little fucktards.
8. Backstage passes are made of pure, concentrated, ultimate WIN.
9. Gin and cigarettes for breakfast is not only acceptable at a festival, it is practically compulsory.
10. Just because a band is older and has made more albums than another does not automatically make them better. Yes, Iron Maiden and Slayer, I'm talking to you.

10 Ways To Tell You're Really A Slytherin...

...or, as a subtitle, 10 ways to tell that you are far too obsessed with the dark wizarding world!

• You always, always refer to Lord Voldemort as the Dark Lord. That's respectful, innit.
• You get a secret kick out of the fact that you're following him on Twitter.
• You get a very unsecret kick out the fact that you know someone who looks so much like a blond Tom Felton that you can't help calling Malfoy. Even though he hates it ;)
• You choose "PUREBLOOD" as your metal DJ name, even though it's worryingly close to making you sound like a white supremacist.
• You unconsciously end up wearing as much black, silver and green as possible at all times.
• You adopt the Head Girl of Slytherin as a blogging alter-ego and even own a green "head girl" badge or two.
• You own a full, official Slytherin outfit complete with robe, tie and scarf.
• You seriously consider and even plan to have the Dark Mark tattooed on yourself somewhere. Preferably your left forearm. Or your inner thigh ;)
• The Disturbed song "Stupify" takes on a whole new meaning and you can't help thinking that "Crucio" or "Avada Kedavra" would have been a wiser choice. Why stun when you can maim or kill? And yes, I know it's spelled differently, but shut up.
• You can't walk over *that* bridge in London without checking the sky and smiling secretly to yourself.

Those are mine! I have more, of course, but I don't have time to write them all down as I'm meant to be getting ready for SONISPHERE this weekend!! HELL YEAH!!!!

And yes, I'm taking my Slytherin robe with me ;)

High School Never Ends...

Today's blog is brought to you by the words RANT, ANGST and COFFEE.

I'm in a properly foul mood today. Alternating between feeling sorry for myself and just pure, frustrated, righteous anger.

Sick, sick, sick of it all. I'm home alone and trying to distract myself with packing for Sonisphere but can't muster enough enthusiasm and excitement for it, really. I've kinda reached the point where I want to say "FUCK YOU ALL, EVERY ONE OF YOU!" and run off and join the circus. The trouble is, although I need to vent the feelings, going into the whys and wherefores about the situations which have made me feel like this is actually not a good idea and will only make things worse.

But fuck it, this is my blog, so I'll just settle for ranting into the void and hoping it goes away soon.

FML.

As the stars tell it...

Well, my horoscope for the day is a little disturbing:

"Trying to control your feelings today may be a good idea, but it won't likely be a successful strategy. Of course, it's not wise to express everything because some of your emotions are better kept to yourself. You could land in a pile of trouble if you broadcast your wants and needs to everyone before considering the ramifications of your actions."

Due to being naturally forgetful and busier than normal, I neglected to hand my repeat prescription in at the doctors on time and as such have been surviving on half-dose meds for a week. In my case, that means taking a tablet on one day and then not on the next. The half-life of Fluoxetine is such that this wouldn't normally present too many problems, but whether it's entirely psychosomatic or not I've definitely been feeling rather weird.

Up and down like a roller coaster, vague paranoia, random bursting into tears. WEIRD. Decidedly EMO. And vaguely discomfiting, as I was seriously considering weaning myself of the anti-depressants this summer and now I'm left wondering if it is such a good idea after all...

Having said that, I do feel a little better today; that's probably because I just saw my Mum and Dad and they brought me a wonderful rocking chair that's been in the family for longer than I have and which I've always coveted; it's also ABANDONED tonight which is always good for an adrenaline buzz ;)

Divenire

EPIC.

Reasons to be BOUNCEY!

Today's post is brought to you by the words GLEE*, JOY and BOUNCE!

I'm not sure what order to put these in, so I'm just going to mindsplurge them and see what happens!

• Since Christmas, I've lost 17 pounds! I've gone up and down since the start, but I'm feeling really good about myself and the way I look in certain clothes :) And I still have boobs!
• I'm going to SONISPHERE! FOR FREE!! I'm so excited! My lovely friend Katie had some guestlist places going spare, and she called to ask if I wanted to go. Let me see....go to a festival which I wanted to go to but couldn't afford? YES PLEASE!
• I've discovered that I can now hula hoop to almost the entirety of Pendulum's Salt In The Wound. I say almost, because at about the halfway point I always drop it, but I'm getting better! Hooping for the win!
• Pride 2010 is nearly upon us! Only a few weeks to go and the costume planning is coming along really well. Many lovely friends coming to stay and party the weekend away with us!
• There's going to be a GLEE flashmob at Pride!! This facebook group appeared in my newsfeed this morning, and I am *so* getting in on that! Hell yeah!
• It's ABANDONED tonight! DJ Demonic and DJ Face will be playing til 12.30-1 and then DJ BlackShire and DJ Pureblood (that's meeeeee) will be taking over til 3am! Last week was ace, this week will be better :)

See? It's all good stuff! I'm in a very good mood again today.

*Both types of glee - the emotion first and foremost and the tv show too!

Grown Men In Tutus...

This is a shameless scrounging post on behalf of a friend who's doing Good Works with his lovely missus for charity.

This is the lovely Martin and his equally lovely missus, Claire.

Actually, being as he hasn't actually asked me to do it, does it count as being on his behalf? Anyway, here's the important bit:

Please go here and read about it, and sponsor them whatever you can

The best bit (as far as I'm concerned) is that if they get more sponsorship money this week, and perhaps even reach their total of £350, Martin has agreed to do the whole 10k run wearing a TUTU.

Yes.

A lovely pink, purple and violet tutu which was handmade by Claire for a previous Hallowe'en costume when she was dressed as a Flower Fairy. She apparently won a prize in it, so perhaps this tutu will bring them extra luck on the day :)

What else he'll be wearing with said tutu is as much your guess as it is mine...I'd hope it was tights and a leotard, but a girl can only ask for so much, innit.

If you're in London on the day, go and find the course and cheer them, and everyone on!

My friends are wonderfully bonkers :)

Please read...

In my experience, the worst things always happen to the very people who deserve them least.

This is certainly the case for a very lovely friend of mine who has had, without doubt, the worst week on record. I will not name names or go into details to protect her privacy, but please, dear readers, send all the good vibes and positive thoughts, healing spells and prayers that you can to the Keeper of Cloud and those close to her.

My darling, if you are reading this - my thoughts are with you. Like Fawkes, you will rise from the ashes of these terrible times and those who love you will be there to support you along the way.

<3 <3

Deathly Hallows, Bitches!

F*ck the fact that I'm still ill

F*ck the fact that I still don't have a job

F*ck the fact that I was ambushed by the Doom Fairies this morning and feel AWFUL

THIS is what today is all about:

Sarcastism (sic) and GLEE - how to lose facebook friends.

I had an entertaining run-in on my facebook status yesterday with a very stupid person!

Said person has never been a favourite of mine and circumstances pushed us together rather than actual choice. In fairness, I'd never have chosen her as a friend, not in a month of Sundays. The only thing we had in common was a person - she was married to him, I'm dating his brother. Long, private story short, we have no real need to ever see her again but she's remained on my facebook for some reason. Actually, I think it was more to keep the peace and keep things on an even keel really, you know, rising above things and not causing trouble by deleting her.

I obviously wasn't feeling very magnanimous yesterday so when she made a dig at me for liking Glee, I didn't ignore her. Our little chat went a lot like this (only abbreviated, of course) :

You: I like Glee.
Her: Glee's shit.
You: Well, I quite like it.
Her: Your taste's rubbish.
You: I don't really care what you think.
Her: Ooh, sarcastism (LOL)
you: Hmmmm. You seem to be a bit thick, there.
Her: You're such a bitch and I don't like it.
You: Good. :-)

I then deleted her. Silly bint. Fighting on TEH INTERNETZ!!!!!!111!!! I've maintained my composure with her for as long as I can - even being in her presence TWICE - out of respect for my friends who would otherwise be embroiled in a nonsense of her making. I've actually avoided speaking to her for over a year, when my first instinct was to give her a good smacking, and I think it's safe enough now to just sever all contact.

So nerr.

ABANDONED - The Start Of Something Epic.

So, Friday night saw me attempting to become DJ Pureblood for the first time at ABANDONED! (As a very quick aside, the name is Harry Potter related and nothing, whatsoever to do with anything white supremicist. As a friend of mine pointed out, as a ginger I'm "part of an oppressed minority and therefore ineligible for membership of any fascist organisation", and besides which as a Death Eater I needed to pick something Slytherin!)

I was uber-nervous, as that night was my chance to show the organising girls that I was worthy of a regular slot at the night, and the last time I did anything DJ-related was with my lovely housemate from Uni on our weekly radio show back in 2005. Luckily for me, the wonderful Luke had agreed to help me, and together, we totally rocked it!

Obviously, there's a huge difference between "being a DJ" and "DJing"; at the moment, we are very much attempting to do the later. Hopefully, we'll learn how to be the first with practice ;)

There was a good turn-out at the club, despite the already-established Malicious running at the same time. We even had a hen party of goths and metalheads turn up specially! Drinks were cheap, people were dancing, I was coping in my mini-skirt and tightly-laced corset, everyone was looking gorgeous!

Luke and I took over at about 12.30. It didn't start too well, because I'd forgotten to un-mute my laptop, but luckily we already had cds cued up to go. Seriously, my laptop is such a sight to behold, old and covered in stickers :) It did the trick though. Other incidents of note:

• Both CD decks turned themselves off half-way through Manson's mOBSCENE.
• Having a version of Chop Suey which was missing a chunk off the end, which prompted one enthusiastic dancer to call me a "c*nt" when I had to fade into another song - to be fair, I'd have been pissed at me too!
• Causing the fire-alarm to go off in the hotel upstairs, waking 140 guests up at 1.30am, because I discovered that the smoke machine worked! Ooops! Luckily, the security manager thought it was rather funny, and requested a song rather than telling me off!

The absolute highlights were seeing the dance floor fill up, and stay busy, while people were queuing at the bar to get served. Hearing people cheer when you play a tune they love is incredible. Being able to play requests that people want = amazing (and we'll be armed with even more next week). Being brought beverages because you shouted "SNATCH!" as promised = ace. The best thing, by far, was that by 3am when we had to wrap it up and the lights were already on, the dance floor was still full and people were shouting for more when we finally had to to turn the music off!

Luke and I are back on Friday and every Friday until we get told to stop. ABANDONED isn't going anywhere.

Encoder...

I am actually all kinds of in love with this song. It's lovely, and I can just about hoop to it! Unfortunately for me, my dirty mind has rather distorted the meaning of some of the lyrics. I'm not telling you which ones and to what meaning though, you'll just have to figure that out for yourself, if you can. It also made me cry a little when I first heard it.

LURGY.

There's a distinct lack of GIN in the house again. I obviously need it for medicinal purposes. I am all full of TEH LURGY and need something to kick it in the head and kill it dead.

I have a question. Do ears sweat? The headphones I'm listening to Muse in are making my ears hot. Ick.

I may haver had too much orange juice and Max Strength cold&flu remedies from Boots...

T-shirts and Hula Hoops...

I just bought this for myself. I am so full of fangirl joy :D

It's just about making up for the fact that my brand new shiny green and silver hula hoop was delivered while I was away and was signed for and taken in by my Evil Neighbour from Hell! The only way I found out was by looking at the Parcel Force website. Stupid bint hadn't even put a note through the door. Grrrrrr.

In which I rant about clubbing...

Alright!

I got an email telling me my domain had been renewed for another year, so I thought it was high time for another update. I'm lazier than a lazy thing when it comes to this blog, which is a shame really. Like I said in my previous post, Twitter and facebook make me forget that A) there's people who actually read this blog, and B) I used to be a decent blogger so I should get on with it really.

Today's post is going to be a little ranty, so prepare yourselves!

It mostly concerns the infighting in and my general disenchantment with, the alternative music scene in Brighton these days. Brighton is rather obviously dominated by the gay scene, and that's something it does really, really well. The nights at various different venues are hugely popular, very entertaining and thriving like nobody's business, even with the economic climate being what it is. But to be honest, although I like shaking my ass to the likes of Lady Gaga and Beyonce as much as the next person, I really crave a good metal/punk/rock night out sometimes. With the closure of The Gloucester, and more recently The Hobgoblin, the venues which cater to my particular tastes are disappearing quicker than a G&T in my hand on a Friday night.

YES, there's the Caroline of Brunswick, which is my all-time fave pub, but it doesn't have a dance floor; YES, there's the likes of EXILE, but goth EBM isn't always my cup of tea; YES, there's Guerilla Rocks at the PavTav on a Tuesday, but it's a TUESDAY and some of us can't do school nights. YES, there's Malicious on a Friday but I wasn't overly impressed (Sorry but playing the requests as they come in, instead of organising them into some kind of set-list simply doesn't work). Of course, there's always Deviant at the Engine Rooms.....except now there isn't even that. The E.R closed this week, rather suddenly, sparking massive finger-pointing, blame-laying and name-calling on the relative facebook groups for that night, and its apparent rival night, ABANDONED. The whole point is that none of these nights have so far managed to make me go "Omfg, that was amazing! I'll be back here next week and the week after and so on into oblivion!"

I am aware that I rather made a rod for my own back when I went back to Norwich on the 5th this month for the 10th Birthday of my all-time favourite club night, ever, namely RAWKUS at the Waterfront. While I'll accept that this particular night was extra amazing, it genuinely was still fab. The venue is great, the drinks are well priced, it doesn't cost the earth to get in, the people are nice. The bouncers don't stop you from moshing like they did at The Engine Rooms and if you fall down, you're immediately hoisted to your feet by an army of like-minded individuals. The DJs know what they're doing and you can easily dance all night long (except when they play Good Charlotte. I fucking hate Good Charlotte). The one complaint I have is that it isn't open long enough, but as of next month I hear it won't close til 3, which is much better. So after that, the scene in Brighton just appeared pitiful and ridiculous, clicky and so fucking boring.

Anyway. This new night, ABANDONED has been running for 4 weeks now and even managed to pull a crowd the weekend of Download. But of course, the second it was announced that Deviant was cancelled and the E.R was closing, spiteful motherf*ckers weighed in and blamed the poor wench who runs this other night for the demise of this frankly repetitive night. 5 whole English pounds to bundle into a small, smelly underground club with overpriced crappy drinks (I like my diet coke to look more like black coffee than weak tea, thanks), filthy toilets and grumpy, rude, inappropriate bouncers? Er, no thanks. I liked the idea of competition, diversity in our lovely city. It's not like there aren't enough people to fill more than one venue! Deviant as a night wasn't awful, in fact it was one of the first nights I went to in Brighton and I'm fond of it - but the venue was.

I'm not going to get involved in the part where people mourn the loss of a LIVE music venue (which Belushi's, where ABANDONED is held, is not), because that's not my fight. It's very sad that the E.R has closed - for a while at least, who knows what the future holds? - but knocking a new night before it's even off the ground is pathetic, short-sighted and childish.

Oh, and I've been asked to help DJ, so maybe I'm biased. Yes, I fucking am biased, but it's a great night :P

Ooops!

Ooooh, hello!

So, I seem to have forgotten that I have a blog! How terrible of me. I'd sit detention, but I'm usually the one doling those out, so instead I'll just give my word that I'll update more often from now on, OK?

So, where the hells bells do I start? Maybe I'll just give you a brief update on what's been going on in the Big Bright Town!

1) I had an EPIC BIRTHDAY PARTY! It was without doubt, the best party I have ever had the privilege of attending - and it was MINE! :D

2) I've realised just how lucky I am to have such wonderful friends.

3) The Election came and went and we got a Hung Parliament. Shortly after, Nick Clegg got into bed with his new wife, David Cameron and now we have a ConDemNation.

To be fair, that just about sums it up, without getting into the long, drawn out accounts of my day to day life, and no-one wants to read those. Especially not since I can just update my status on Facebook and suddenly everyone knows what I'm up to ;)

One thing I will add is that I didn't managed to achieve the whole List of 100 things to do before I turned 30, so I've made it my new goal to do as many of them as possible this year instead. Expect updates, periodically. Also, my photo-a-day blog kinda fell by the wayside, which was a shame; I'll try to bring it up to date soon.

Til then!

Yikes!

Long time no post!

Sorry guys, it's been a very busy time. Will update with all the developments this week

PDSA - it's a volunteer's life.

Time for a proper update about my new voluntary job!

As some of you know, I finally got round to volunteering to work in a charity shop, which is something I've wanted to do for ages and is also on my list of things to do before I'm 30. I started at the beginning of March with the PDSA and I'm loving it so far. It's just across the park from my house which is even better! Tuesdays I'm normally upstairs sorting donations, pricing goods, or taking old stock off and putting new stock out; Saturdays are my shop-floor days where I work the till, serve customers and generally do things in the actual shop itself. It's a reasonably busy shop with a very high stock turnover and some very entertaining customers.

So far I've served:

An actual midget lady who had to buy children's clothes

An old man who bought a copy of the Kama Sutra

A portly gentleman who adores really gory horror films

A drunk couple - the drunk man tried to demand that we give him the hanger (which we aren't allowed to do) and then tried to haggle the price of the very reasonably priced goods

A very strange man who carried a large bag of tin foil with him "to keep the aliens from hearing his brain waves"

and various other colourful characters!

Sadly, there's a lot of shop-lifting that goes on there too. I don't understand the mindset of anyone who could steal from charity. They often work in teams - one particularly despicable excuse for a man used his little daughter to distract us at the till while he stole a nice jacket near the door. There isn't a whole lot we can do really as the Police aren't really interested and we're not supposed to tackle the thieves; we just hustle them out the door and demand they don't come back. According to the manageress there, we lose around £100 of stuff A DAY to shop-lifters on average which is unbelievable!

Anyway, it's fun and really great to be out of the house doing something again!

In other news, plans for my birthday party are coming along really well :) More details to follow...

ECLIPSE!

New Eclipse Trailer!

A Good Day

Things achieved today:

• 2 loads of washing done and hung out to dry
• Cushion covers from Living Room washed and drying
• Beds made
• Washing up done
• Kitchen tidied
• Dinner made
• Decorations for Prom organised
• 2nd cat nest made for Celia
• Cats fed
• Seedlings watered and given lots of sunshine
• Facial done
• Facemask done
• Dreads washed
• Job applied for

This is rather productive for me :)

Tomorrow I'm doing my second day volunteering at the PDSA shop round the corner. I started on Tuesday this week and it was great fun! Another thing crossed off my List too!

And now to get ready for drinks with my lovely John :)

The Kill

Ok, so I couldn't be more late in falling for this band if I tried really, but I've just discovered that I LOVE 30 Seconds To Mars.

Here's one of my fave vids of theirs. Can you spot the movie inspiration? ;)

Crossing 4 more off the List!

Although I've not been as proactive with my List as I'd like recently, I have managed to accomplish four more of them!

12) Get some dreads made and installed - Rachel worked her magic once again and made me a glorious set of natural red ones which are quite long and lovely. She installed them last Friday so they've been in for a week and I'm loving them. They've settled in nicely :)

33) See both of my lovely cousins more often - I haven't managed to see Wendy but I've seen Tricia twice so far this year :)

42) Watch Robocop! - Phil actually had to download this THREE times before we got a copy which didn't have the first 10 minutes missing! But he did it and tonight I finally watched it for the first time ever. Verdict? Loved it. Absolutely ACE.

94) Visit a castle I've never been to before - On Wednesday this week Becca and I went on an Adventure to Lewes on the train. We walked around the town, spent time by the river, explored the strange and quaint little shops, wandered through lovely gardens and visited the castle there! It was rather small, but the views from the top of the tower were EXCELLENT and reminded me just how beautiful the South coast is. More midweek adventures to places outside Brighton are very much called for!

Reading through my list again to write this post I realise that there are likely to be some which I won't be able to accomplish in the remaining days before my birthday. Visiting people in Norwich and attending a TG event in London are likely candidates for this fail, mostly due to money and timing factors (in the case of TG, there actually isn't an event before my birthday now); While this is a shame I'm not going to let it spoil the fun and will endeavour to finish whatever I don't get done before the 10th of April during the course of this year. And besides, there's still several weeks to go! :)

NINJA LOVE

The next incredible song from Rubberwiz!!

Would You Like A Pie?

I'm making a tofu and potato pie for tea tonight, and then vegan choc and peanut butter ice cream for pudding, so to celebrate, here's some Mighty Boosh:

Woo!

I've FINALLY got a job interview on Monday!! *dances*

It's for a posh cleaning company which my friend Hannah works for (cleaning places like the amazing Regency flat!) and she put in a good word for me. I sent a CV and covering letter off to the chap that runs the company and called him today - he sounded pretty positive. Granted, there isn't any full-time work available at the moment but it would be a good start and I'd be able to get JSA (If I work less than 15 hrs a week) or Working Tax Credits and Housing Benefit at the same time which would ROCK.

So yeah. Wish me luck!

Also: getting dreads installed this evening! WOOOO!

My Evening In Photos

New Pyjamas

Gods, I was angry when I wrote that last post! I do apologise for the tone, but it was just after the incident which really made my blood boil. I actually sent him an email which was similar, if not quite the same and haven't heard back - I know I shouldn't have bothered letting him know that Jasper had passed away, things seem to go so much better when my brother is out of the picture, and I shouldn't have gotten involved by emailing him this time either but I just couldn't help myself. I'll go back to being utterly uninvolved and uninterested in him and things will be much smoother once more.

Anyway!

On to much nicer things.

I've just had a lovely day out! Spent the afternoon with an old colleague called Taz who I haven't seen in ages. We trawled around the usual shops (I treated myself to a pair of black knickers with green glow-in-the-dark stars from Primark - felt I had to for £1.70 and a facemask from Lush) and had lunch together; Taz also bought me my first birthday present of the year - a pair of Rainbow Brite pyjamas! SO COOL! AND it snowed while we were in town, totally beautiful!

Phil is away in London with work this evening so I plan to pamper myself silly: Have a nice hot bath, do a facemask, manicure and then put on some false nails and watch TV in bed with some popcorn. In my new pjs. Bliss.

Thicker than water?

"Dear" sibling,

You're such a scum-sucking bottom-feeding lowlife. How dare you use the death of our family pet against my Mum, Dad and finally myself?

Don't be a dick for once in your life, if at all possible. I'd rather be an only child than have a brother like you.

The sister you don't deserve,

Chloe

Photos Updated!

FINALLY got round to updating Ma Vie En Photos with the photos from the last week. Feel terrible that I let it go untouched that long and vow not to let it happen again!!

Dungeon Master...

I've been lagging behind in updating my Photo Blog since Monday, and this is mostly because I've been grieving for Jasper and busying myself with looking for work. Neither of these things have been particularly productive, but rest assured I have been taking the photos - I just need to upload them. I'll be doing this later today.

In other news - I've been made custodian of my friend's Dungeon while he's away for three weeks! He's given me the keys and it will be my job to meet the clients, let them in, wait somewhere with a book for them to return the keys to me and make sure everything is tidy. How exciting :) In the words of my friend Becca I'll "get to meet all the perverts!"

Celia continues to be pregnant and her belly is swelling up nicely. She's eating loads more than normal and the other cats are jealous that she's getting special kitty food to help meet her nutritional needs. She's due the first week of March. Expect more updates (and photos) between now and then!

I'm having my hair done at the weekend - red dreads to match the shade I have it dyed at the moment. Barnaby is going to give me a hair cut before then, I'm thinking of going for a pointy fringe again but not too much off the length. Growing my hair this year AND having dreads installed are both things on my epic List! Ooh, on that topic, sort of, we booked the venue for my party last week - it's perfect and I'm very excited about it! Need to start getting the decorations ordered from eBay and deciding on the buffet food. Luckily, I've formed a Prom Committee to help me with all that stuff and we'll have our first meeting next week! Yay!

Anyway, that's enough for now. It's lunchtime for me and then I've got to send some job applications out.

Tainted Strawberry Gashes in the Paranoid Ending

Today has felt like a very musical day so far. I've been sorting my cds, finding ones which I'd forgotten I owned, finding others to be missing (sob) and also discovering ones which I thought were unplayable but seem to be doing just fine now! Odd, but very good!

Jack Off Jill, Garbage, Avril Lavigne (be careful if you have the speakers on when you visit this site!) and Marilyn Manson have been my soundtrack for the afternoon.

An update on The List!

I've accomplished three more things from my epic List!

31) Re-lace all my corsets correctly - Proof of which can be seen in photographic form here

43) Eat a twinkie for the first (and probably last) time - Every time I went past or into Cybercandy in town they didn't have any! One morning last week they had a box full but they were closed and I honestly couldn't justify waiting around in the cold for an hour! But, yesterday, Phil and I ventured in and they had some on Buy One Get One Free! REJOICE!! So we each got one and...well, it wasn't totally gross ;) Here I am taking my second bite!

68) Watch the sun set over the sea in Brighton - Now sadly, there's no photographic proof on any of my blogs of this, but Phil did take some spectacular ones which I'll try to upload at some point. We were on the Palace Pier with Hannah-May and Mike, watching the starlings do their crazy low-flying hypnotic dance around the shoreline. It was absolutely amazing to see, as the sun slowly dipped behind the horizon. Breathtaking.

Kittehs?

I'm pretty sure that Celia is pregnant! :D

My Adventure in the Haunted Flat

The incredible ceiling in the ballroom

A tiny kitchen within the kitchen!

Ring for service!

This is absolutely insane.

I am currently staying in the most incredible house I haveever had the pleasure of setting foot inside. It's like staying in the poshest hotel imaginable. This is actually a little difficult to put into words so you will have to bear with me, dear readers!

Ok, let me explain. My friend Hannah-May cleans for a very nice and very rich lady who has two very nice but very spoiled dachunds. Said nice and rich lady has been whisked away by her husband for a holiday to celebrate her 50th and asked Hannah-May to dog-sit. Because the house they live in is HUGE and somewhat creepy (and also apparently haunted – more on that later) she really didn't want to stay overnight on her own so she enlisted myself and Becca to help out and essentially have a bit of an adventure.

We arrived on Wednesday at around 4, settled in pretty quickly in the Children's Bedchambers upstairs and I got the tour of the place. There's the usual beautiful and spacious kitchen, dining room, toilets, bathrooms, utility room, bedrooms that you would expect to find in a lovely Regency flat, but on top of that, here we have an ante-chamber with an indoor fountain! Fully usuable servants quarters and hidden stairway! A toilet which was apparently used by a king! A dressing room which is hidden on the main stairway and is really, really creepy!

The crazy indoor fountain

The incredible range in the kitchen where we cooked and ate each night.

There's a Ballroom with a grand piano which was restored and redecorated by the V&A Museum (this is where I am currently sitting now, on the plushest sofa, watching something inane on the enormous TV) – so much gold leaf and rich embroidery! It's honestly like a room in the Royal Pavilion. I LOVE it so much. I've often wandered through old houses and castles wondering what it would feel like to stay over night there and NOW I KNOW! Crazy times. The Head Girl of Slytherin feels right at home here – granted, she rather fancies repainting the yellow marble-

effect walls with a deep forest green or silvery grey, but hey, you can't have everything. The house was taken over by squatters a few years ago, but that actually led to the house being saved from further damage. On of the upstairs toilets was broken and leaking, which meant the ceiling in the ballroom was being damaged but had the squatters not been there the damage would have gone on for much longer and the epic ceiling would have been unsalvagable!

And yes, it is reportedly haunted. The other girl who cleans here full time has told the owners and Hannah-May that she's been tapped on the shoulder three times while cleaning the hidden dressing room, only to turn round and find there's no-one there. Mrs Nice-And-Rich has seen odd refelctions in mirrors on the upper floors. Personally, we haven't seen anything ourselves yet, but I can well imagine it being haunted. The building is very old and as such, creeks and groans in the dark at night. Lights flicker on and off. The wind whistles in the chimneys and is clearly audible as a high-pitched moan in the large open fireplaces in most of the rooms and this is really offputting when you're here by yourself :) I have another night here tonight and Becca is joining us for a girly night of nailpainting, facemasks, movies, popcorn, drinking and gossip – and inevitably some ghost stories and tarot reading – so who knows what the darkened rooms will bring tonight?

I'll leave you with another photo and the rest are on my facebook!

The large, and somewhat creepy entrance hall. Can you see the orbs?

NINJA!!

My boyfriend's brother is a bit of musical genius. He's recently made a lot of very positive changes in his life, turned 30, and started recording songs (some covers, some original) and whacking them on youtube. He's really rather good and deserves all the praise he gets! Check out his other offerings and leave him a comment!

This is my current fave - starring his mates Simon, Gareth and Matt.

There's another Ninja song in the pipeline, so keep those eyes peeled...

The List so far...

A quick update on my epic List of 100 Things To Do In The 100 Days Before I'm 30:

1) Write a list of 100 things to achieve in the 100 days before I am 30! DONE! :D

8) Use Wii Fit every other day - haven't managed it every other day yet, but I'll keep trying!

9) Take a multi-vitamin every day - Yup. Which reminds me, I've run out and need to get some more!

11) Read a new book every month - This month I have actually read books 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9 of the Sookie Stackhouse books - also known as The Southern Vampire Mysteries (and the inspiration for the excellent TRUE BLOOD series!) They are completely addictive and I can't wait for the next one to be released in May this year!

16) Blog at least once a week - So far, so good.

20) Hoover my bedroom once a week - whether I think it needs doing or not :) - So far, so good.

21) Visit the toy museum in Brighton - We actually tried to do this, but it was closed due to the snow! Must go again :)

30) Learn to use my hair curling tongs properly - I finally managed to do this for NYE!

39) Drink a green tea every day - I've not quite managed this, but I have been drinking a herbal tea every day...

41) Do everything within my power to get Celia to have kittens again! - Well, her boyfriend Gnarkill stayed over for a whole week, and we think they "did it" so we'll know in the next few weeks!

45) Cuddle Phil for no less than 10 minutes a day (this was his request) - Oh yes, doing fine on this one! :)

55) Do some yoga daily - Yup.

56) Cut back on the amount of caffeine I drink - Down to one or two cups. Some days, I'm not even having a coffee, so I'm doing good!

60) Drink more water - I'm averaging around 1.5 litres a day so far!

61) Drink a pint of real ale - I did this! I'm amazed, but I did it! Greene King IPA, and it wasn't completely gross either.

64) See my parents - Went to see a wonderful ballet with Mum and Dad on the 10th January

65) Tell Phil I love him every day (which is a bit of a cheeky one, as I do that anyway!) - yes, so far, so good :)

74) Take a walk under the full moon - Walked home on New Year's Day under the full moon, which was the second full moon of December and as such was known as a Blue Moon!

87) Start the New Year with a BANG! - Spellbound at the Komedia with friends :)

88) Do a proper 3 day detox

89) Avoid losing phone or keys (yes, very good Phil!) - Haha, so far, so good :)

100) Celebrate my 30th birthday in STYLE! - Plans are afoot for my birthday party, very exciting!

I've got 88 days left...I think I'm doing OK...

Ballet and Ghosts.

Despite the unprecedented snow which has frozen the south coast, Phil and I managed to join Mum and Dad at Chichester Festival Theatre for a beautiful production of Sleeping Beauty yesterday!

Originally we were supposed to be there on the 7th, but the snow was so terrible that day that there was no way my parents could get there. Luckily for us, the Theatre were nice enough to swap our tickets to Sunday - which also meant that instead of seeing Romeo and Juliet, we got to see one of my preferred fairytales! I do love the Shakespeare but sometimes star-crossed lovers and untimely death isn't quite what you fancy.

It was SPLENDID. We had fab seats so close to the stage and the dancers were incredible. The Moscow City Ballet are well worth a look, so if you get a chance to see them, I recommend you do!

In other news, I'm spending a few nights in a supposedly haunted grand old house with my friend Hannah. She's dog-sitting for a family she cleans for this week and doesn't want to stay there alone overnight - some parts if it give her the creeps when she's working there. She's asked me to join her, so we will be sleeping over there and trying very hard not to freak ourselves out!

Nothing to see here.

WELL.

There isn't actually much to report, bar the SNOW which has hit the south coast in an almost unprecedented way! It's frozen solid now, which makes walking around very difficult, and means that I am quite happy to stay inside ;)