>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> WARNING - RANTY BLOG POST ALERT <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
So, I'm leaving Brighton.
Brighton has been my home for the best part of 6 years. It's been a long, colourful, exciting, scary adventure, but like all good things, it has come to an end. The last 7 months have been too difficult and painful, admittedly punctuated with bright flashes of absolute awesome, but I've finally come to terms with/accepted the fact that it is no longer the place I want/need to be.
The reasons for leaving are many; saving my sanity, regaining some innocence, recharging my batteries, gaining stability, removing myself from damaging and painful people and situations, the list goes on. There is too much drama, too many parts to play; I've come to hate the person I've become and simply have to stop before it's too late and I lose myself for good. I've behaved shamefully behind a veneer of mischief, chaos and mayhem which I cheerfully pretended was just fine with me. I've hurt people, lost people, damaged people, and ended up just as battle-worn and bloodied myself. I've been accused of things I haven't done, been told I'm things I am not, forgotten who I actually could be.
I've become an angry, destructive, difficult, crazy human being, full of hate and bitterness and I am sorry.
It's time to stop now.
I want to go back to the person I liked being...no, scratch that; I want to come through this, a little more scarred but a stronger, happier version of myself. Not back, forwards. As someone I will never forget often says, "Onwards and Upwards"
Yes, I guess I'm running away. But quite frankly, I don't give a fuck. If I don't flee, there won't be anything left of me for my friends to love any more.
3 comments:
It's not running away. Like any kind of relationship (and your relationship with your home IS a relationship) sometimes it's far braver and takes far more strength to get out than it does to stay and let it go on.
<3
And there's nothing wrong with running away - why should you force yourself to stay in a difficult situation that makes you unhappy (be it work, a relationship or where you live), when you can go and start afresh elsewhere. I've run away lots of times and shudder when I think of what life might have been life if I'd have stayed.
Well my love. You are so strong for knowing what you need to do and doing it. If you're coming back this way then there's tea and pubs and cake and crying and laughing and gin in our future. :-)
Love you from far away.
xxxxxxxx
Post a Comment